loving relationship with food
For the first day in weeks I woke up without the need of a alarm clock before 10am. Granted I was cat attacked by Izzy which comes in the form of lots of kisses and walking on me, but usually I can roll right back to sleep. It often worries me that I don’t have a regular sleep schedule and it is in the not too far distance that I used to suffer from excruciating insomnia. Its only been when I’ve visited Tulum Mexico over the past three years that I go to sleep by 11 and rise with the sun to walk the beach. Today I realized that I woke up because of my diet, the foods that I have chosen to eat the past 5 days, that has started to restore some homeostasis to my system. So simple, yet so wild to me that its that easy. But for me its not easy, its a daily challenge.
Since I can recall I have always struggled to have what I would consider a loving relationship with food. The memories are all wrapped in some sense of pain, guilt, shame, self loathing, anger. No matter what I intellectually understand I have always felt helpless to eat what makes me feel well versus “good”. The “good” feeling is always fleeting and then washed away with horrible feelings. Feeling well is different. When I feel well it allows me to escape from the prison of food. When I eat for life I feel in rhythm with the universe and ready to interact. When I eat what I think makes me feel “good” I can’t stop and my body feels bad. I am not the norm. I have diseased thinking when it comes to food and that is ok. It simply means that I need to treat the disease in order to get better and I feel blessed to have a spiritual solution and path that I am beginning to embark upon again. I feel a sense of hope and for just today I feel well in my body. And because of that I was able to wake up this morning not feeling achy, bloated or sad. AMAZING. This is just for today.
Other then the 12 step material of Overeaters Anonymous, I highly recommend this book The Slow Down Diet by David Marc. While I am not a fan of the word diet in the way that we understand it or the words weight loss in the title, I find that it is a true book about loving relationships and food, and not about the weight loss. Its quite beautiful.
Family
It’s been a while. My family has grown. My roost at home now includes two cats. Jackson the newest addition to the family, who is a little special and slow on the uptake and this makes him a super bright angel kitty of 18 lbs. We love him, or at least i do, Izzy not so much. She more so tolerates him and I choose to believe actually likes knowing he is around when I am gone all day or on trips.
My family of acupuncture patients also has grown. It ebbs and flows and the further down this path I travel the more I see people coming to simply visit and then be on their way. And others have stayed, for now. And as I step back to observe I can see that as a whole it grows, mostly because I trust that I don’t need to tightly hold onto people but simply be present if they want to stay. Its not about me, and whether I am liked. Its about holding a space for people to join me if so inclined and work on our collective spiritual progression through acupuncture. For some its simply to alleviate a symptom and I feel blessed to be of service and for others its a place to expand in healing all levels of being.
I have spoken with a few psychics/tarot readers over the years. I struggle to trust that they see things. They all tell me that I am supposed to “write write write”. That I am going to publish a book and teach. So I am going to recommit to writing here. To sharing, to hopefully being heard. I love revisiting my days and thoughts here. I have a blessed life and to put pen to paper reminds me to be mindful of my blessings. So heres to another posting tomorrow.
xoxo
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